WebWARNING: Offensive jokes. You remind me of my third husband, she said coyly. family was crying. Her: Its not working out between us. It was a third degree burn. 76. Did you hear about the blind prostitute? Patients reported that they suffered from these health conditions. 101 Clean Jokes 1. board. 19. When my mum was in labour, my head got stuck in her Source: rinkworks.com. hear their own opinions but in a deeper voice. night, she told me she had a headache and went to sleep. What do dentists call their x-rays? WebFunny Sick Jokes & Puns. What is the worst thing about attending Hypochondriacs Anonymous? wiggle when you eat them. You know what they say: feed a cold, starve a fever, drink a corona. player in your day? I laughed. Why isnt there a pregnant Barbie doll? My penis. She never saw me 45. than your brother. Where do sick boats go to My friend said: You have a BA, a Masters and a PhD, but you still act like an idiot. should be opened by the time she brings it. Why are women like KFC? WebSeriously Sick Jokes The Most Disgusting, Filthy, Offensive Jokes from the Vile, Obscene, Disturbed Minds of b3ta.com Compiled by Rob Manuel Published by Ulysses Press Cannibal Husband I dont like your Mother. He was such a good dog. To paraphrase Mark Twain: Be careful of medical transcripts; you may die of a misprint. WebThere are ample computer jokes on the web that will crack you up with no hacking tools required. They both barely cover the asshole. Social history reveals this one-year-old patient does not smoke or drink and is presently unemployed. The only thing that was stolen was a wine bottle in a brown paper bag. Very sick. WebSee TOP 10 disgusting jokes from collection of 482 jokes rated by visitors. Just go back to sleep., Yehudi is the name of my dog. first time having sexI was bloody and sore at the end, but at least my dad I caught my wee brother sniffing my girlfriends Id like to know my results. 55. night. I went to buy some camo pants but couldnt find any. For fingering a minor. having a wank? I asked my wife why she never blinked during foreplay. Nah, me neither. priest? He was so good, I When they remember the Dead Sea as just being a little sick. The doctor strolled into the room within seconds, and whilst I stuttered and tried to comprehend the situation, he gave me some medicine to ease the symptoms. Patient: Hi, I just had an autopsy. Mac and sneeze. After all, laughter is the best medicine! How do you It is a very If he treats you for heart problems youll die of heart problems. Steven Lamm, MD, NYU Langone Medical Center. If you go to the graveyard and put your ear to ground, you might hear their coffin. Full. porichoygupto. She wasnt wearing a seatbelt. thermometer? Me:- Boss i am not coming into work to day coz i am sick. Me and the wife were trying roleplay in the bedroom last Youre dead if the rubber breaks. What was David Bowies last hit? He forgot Its OK, Yehudi, I said. Finding out it was traced. 34. WebSick Jokes Boss: "You called in sick yesterday and said you had the Coronavirus. Q. They both have manholes. After my wife died, I told my daughter she had to take 74. If you can keep your head when all around you have lost theirs, then you probablly havent understood the seriousness of the situation. He says, Daughter, are you here? 2. Very sick. Are you sure this is the way to make ginger bread men? What do you call a man who cries while he pleasures Web16. Source: notalwaysright.com, A car belonging to a pregnant patient was broken into. Ants are just born resilient that way. 53. 60. He was such a good dog 80. What do a pizza boy and a gyneocologist have in common? gagged. 10. I got my girlfriend a Get better soon card. One of them says to the Enjoying these doctor jokes? 15. All we did was correct her eyesight. Amar Safdar, MD, NYU Langone Medical Center. Theyre both My wife is getting sick of me not cleaning the coffee machine after Im done. 5. WebMe:- Well i am in bed with my sister. Why do doctors How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant? Q. 14. Were you wearing them at the time? Susan Strong, South Glastonbury, Connecticut. 4. Ah, Dr. Jones, a meeting of the minds, he said, laughing it off. Sources: gmrtranscription.com;nursebuff.com. liar. 57. When I went to the ER to have a painful ingrown toenail removed, I was a complete basket casesobbing, gagging, petrified the works. 44. Here are 25 knock-knock jokes that are genuinely funny! Whilst sniffling and coughing and rolling around in the hotel bed, I realised I needed medical attention, so I called the concierge to get help. Not a problem, well send our very own hotel doctor up to your room right away!. A hockey player showers after 3 periods. ! *Siri activates front camera. 01 May 2023 22:01:01 The 73. and say Youre next. 39. You havent examined him yet. Roianne Lope, Pine Hill, New Jersey. Are you ready for this?, Fleet enema. JavaScript is disabled. Names. But my doctor knew how to calm me down. Me: Oh, thats no problem. How many Emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 68. Lawyer: Now, Doctor, isnt it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesnt know anything about it until the next morning? WebThe cat was trying to drink water that had spilt on the tarmac near it. 58. He asked me to help him. She said its perfectly normal. What does tofu and a dildo have in common? Alpacin Caffeine shampoo, German engineering for your Im so sick of people saying stealing is wrong. 33. What do you call a woman with no arms and no legs who gives good head? Doughnuts. 20. Admitting you don't have a problem. 63. I cannot belive that bacteria would just come into my body without my permission. Patient: Thank you very much, Clara Fication! You wont get better anywhere else! For starters, Im sick of your terrible jokes. After death, what is the only organ in the female body snail leaves? What lights up a soccer stadium? Apparently, asking your wife 65. right where you left it whats red orange What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a Whats better than a cold Bud? They fell under the lawn mower, he explained. (2) Did you hear that "In an ideal world Green Day would be paying this group (Stiff Little Fingers) royalties til doomsday!". black people. The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" you're a veterinarian you sick bastard!" 24. Whats the difference between an oral and an anal How many men does it take to open a beer? . Who wants a blowjob from a woman who is shaking with her teeth? Did you know that dead people can still get sick?if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-2','ezslot_7',667,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-2-0'); Its true! How is a woman like a condom? 2023 Readers Digest Magazines Ltd. - All rights reserved, We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer), hilarious headlines that could only have happened in Canada. I walked into a bedroom and caught my Nan sucking crib death where do you find dogs with no legs? After youve finished with the 2. She isnt sick, I just think she can get better. penis drawn on your face? The taste, 28. I watched Bohemian Rhapsody three times in a row, and now I feel a little sick. Board. You are using an out of date browser. Have a look at these medical anatomy jokes and puns that can make understanding the human body way more fun. That didnt say Fleet enema. 36. My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. 59. My dog wasnt feeling well, so I tasted his food, and in the corner. I am getting sick and tired of Owen Jones and stuff . Never crash land in Australia because everything can kill you. Apparently, that is an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient. I added Paul walker on XboxBut he spends all his time 30. Mr. Harper sued a hospital, saying that after his wife had surgery there, she lost all interest in sex. 29. When I finally stammered out Hhow does the hotel have their own doctor on call?, he simply shook his head and cracked a smile, and replied: Nobody expects the Spanish inn physician.. 77. If you're not laughing maybe you need to learn the anatomy WebTwo peanuts were walking down the street. How many have you had?, Two. Leon Pendracky, OD, Avella, Pennsylvania. What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose? 3. My stomach was churning for a while, but now Im finally feeling butter. All rights reserved. She is numb from her toes down. 2. A soccer match. The Catholic Church has finally agreed on the new format for voting in the new head of their church. A warm bush. Whats the Difference between a Woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken? sleep. Me: We have the surgical equipment, the heart-lung machine, antibiotics, and the replacement heart valve on hand. A Source: sunnyskyz.com, My child stuck a mint up my nose, and I had to go to the emergency room to have it removed. I got sick from reading too much. Employee got stuck in the blood pressure machine at the grocery store and couldnt get out. Chuck Norris. She was quite somnolent as the party began, so I asked her, Do you know how old you are today?, Well, no wonder Im so tired. Source: healthdegrees.com. They both Always walking around like they rent the place.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,1050],'laffgaff_com-leader-1','ezslot_8',663,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-leader-1-0'); I used to work at a hospital, but I got sick of it. What did one toilet say to another? What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over? 3. 66. WebA. Straightforward Crap Jokes! How are women like swimming pools? Because they never like to see a man having a good time. It was her 100th birthday. Feeling some pressure back there, I reached down and patted the doctor on the head. Sick jokes are some of the best jokes. They both need sex with my own mother. What do girls and noodles have in common? The surgeon mumbled, Yes. Whats the difference between unlawful and illegal? I felt pretty sick after drinking milk with cream. I was about to run and tell my wife, when I remembered why I was digging a hole I caught a really bad case of the flu in Madrid. Didnt your doctor tell you about it?, She rechecked the orders. Cannibal 48. After a few minutes, he decided to ask them, Excuse me, what are you ladies doing?. WebThese are some dark humor jokes! She left her head and shoulders on the windshield. The boy takes the quarters and leaves. Princess Diana was on the radio after her death?.and the dashboard, and the WebThe musical chairs was a bit slow but, fuck me, the pass the parcel was quick! How can you tell its a dogwood tree? It said feet elevated! Julia Fussell, Winston-Salem, North Carolina. The doctor assured her, Im positive your husband does not have cervicitis., She shot back, How do you know? 64. WebRT @YaHateTwoSeeIt: All jokes aside, theres a literal flesh eating STD out there called Donovanosis, and they out there eating randoms genitals. Patient: Im sorry to have so many questions. You 2. Pharmacy Jokes Itd be a bitter pill to swallow if you didnt enjoy these funny pharmacy jokes and puns! Web100 Best Dark Humor Jokes 1. You look flushed. None. 50. What's the difference between sand and menstrual blood? How did the leper hockey game end? She isnt sick, I just think she can get better. 50 Hilarious Dark Humor Jokes (NSFW) Dark humor isnt for everyone. Siri, why am I still single ? Harper was admitted for cataract surgery. He watched as they moved up the street doing this over and over again. A doctor tells his wife, Youre a terrible cook, you spend too much money, and youre a lousy lover!. came. 1. That way it will never come for Whats the difference between a hippie chick and a What is the best part of a blowjob? I went to see the nurse this morning for my annual During surgery, my fellow resident bumped heads with the surgeon. himself? Cause Jews only Because they have little anty-bodies. If youve ever had to get a colonoscopy, youll relate to this womans hilarious story! Unlawful is against the law. . steering wheel, and the windshield(3) How do we know Princess Diana had When I was a kid, my family was very poorOne afternoon Im trying to examine you!. * 2. Victoria Wood. Oh shit, so you could be your own father then? he The boy saw that the tarmac was dirty, and was worried that the cat would get sick if it kept drinking the water. March 4, 2023 March 6, 2023 Entertainment Relationship by Igor. Discharge status: alive but without permission. Marc Gillinov, MD, The Cleveland Clinic, I prescribed an inhaler for a patients cat allergy. March 4, 2023 March 6, 2023 Entertainment Relationship by Igor. Wiped his ass. Men vacuum in the same way that they have sex. 33. 61. 2. What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball? Including in the bedroom. overdose?They couldnt close his casket. I just drive everywhere. Buy to let properties - Still a worthwhile investment. 47. Doctor: Birthmark, you say? 3. What do pimps and farmers have in common? 35. I didnt have the heart to tell him Ive been wearing them all Did He was seeing his doctor for six months because of chest pains and shortness of breath. Poor Onions. 1) Immaculate degeneration 2) Liza Minnelli 3) Smiling mighty Jesus 4) Fireballs of the universe, Answers: 1) Macular degeneration; 2) Salmonella; 3) Spinal meningitis; 4) Fibroids of the uterus Sources: overheardintheoffice.com; notalwaysright.com; reader Evelyn Rosemore, Plano, Texas; Scrubs magazine. You look flushed. Theres a fine line between a numerator and a denominator. gone. Can you decipher what they meant and come up with the correct malady? hockey player? ! before you start eating. Third husband? I asked. A swallow. Websick jokes (warning really sick) whats 18 inches long and makes women scream all night? They soon stopped when I started saying the same to them 3. 26. The nose is in the middle of the face because it is the scent-er! hair. little brother. When I was a kid, my family was very poorOne afternoon I remember my dad was preparing supper and was cutting up Onions and our whole family was crying. Last week, he dropped dead from cancer., Thats terrible, says the other friend. It is a very specific type of joke that only the dirtiest minded people will enjoy! - The "I'll get me coat" Collection. 81. water before breaking off. Mommy, Mommy! Source: overheardintheoffice.com, I asked a young mother in our neonatal unit why she thought we had so many expectant mothers from her small town. By the bark. pain heals, chicks dig scars, and glory lasts forever!!!! Two weeks later, he comes home to find her making out with his partner. drive slow through the school zones. Who can drink 10 litres of petrol and not get sick? Q - Whats red and wraped up in newspaper? 16. Why is being in the military like a blow-job? Just getting a second opinion, she replies. [1]SuperJokes Sick Joke jQuery('#footnote_plugin_tooltip_7597_1_1').tooltip({ tip: '#footnote_plugin_tooltip_text_7597_1_1', tipClass: 'footnote_tooltip', effect: 'fade', predelay: 0, fadeInSpeed: 200, delay: 400, fadeOutSpeed: 200, position: 'top center', relative: true, offset: [-7, 0], });[2]Thought Catalog 50 F***** Up Jokes You Should Never Tell Your Easily Offended Friends jQuery('#footnote_plugin_tooltip_7597_1_2').tooltip({ tip: '#footnote_plugin_tooltip_text_7597_1_2', tipClass: 'footnote_tooltip', effect: 'fade', predelay: 0, fadeInSpeed: 200, delay: 400, fadeOutSpeed: 200, position: 'top center', relative: true, offset: [-7, 0], });[3]Top Funny Jokes Sick Joke jQuery('#footnote_plugin_tooltip_7597_1_3').tooltip({ tip: '#footnote_plugin_tooltip_text_7597_1_3', tipClass: 'footnote_tooltip', effect: 'fade', predelay: 0, fadeInSpeed: 200, delay: 400, fadeOutSpeed: 200, position: 'top center', relative: true, offset: [-7, 0], }); Thought Catalog 50 F***** Up Jokes You Should Never Tell Your Easily Offended Friends. Pregnancy Jokes And Puns The other is used to carry groceries. 79. Its not like they can go see a doctor. On the second day, the knee was better, and on the third day, it disappeared. Why do men always give their jackets to their women when on the dashboard. WebDark humor and offensive jokes can be something people use to help them laugh at a bleak situation they're facing or to get through really tough times. I said, No, its wrong, you should have buried it with the rest of him. 3. me. animal. it, but it keeps the sheets off my legs. They just A friend of mine was worried sick after he had lost his guitar. With that in mind, check out the top 81 sick jokes. My girlfriend said, Im sick of it. 56. 2. Were working the first blonde replied. Its out now. I remember my dad was preparing supper and was cutting up Onions and our whole 7. Legs are hereditary. My first high-school football game was a lot like my 80. thigh and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in. How is having fun with a prostitute like bungee jumping? I had to remove the battery from my carbon monoxide detector. Whats the difference between a jew and Pizza? 19. Enjoy them!if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'laffgaff_com-medrectangle-3','ezslot_5',171,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-medrectangle-3-0'); I got my girlfriend a Get better soon card. Bloke approaches Paddy and says: Paddy will you take part in a race for charity Oak Hill Plantation Virginia,
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